I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
