Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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