Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
