her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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