I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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