put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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