i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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