its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
