never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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