Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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