I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
