so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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