census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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