Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
