toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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