Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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