some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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