Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
