just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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