Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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