I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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