what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
try to milk me bitch
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