i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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