There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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