do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
