Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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