after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
