i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
