hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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