it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
