I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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