Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
