Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she looked like the before picture.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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