it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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