Soap is not a condiment
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
