I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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