all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
