Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
