The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
