I heard we made out
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
