we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
