I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
