i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
