I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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