I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
