Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
