If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
