She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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