last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
