Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
