so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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