You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
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Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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