Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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