Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
