What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
