We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
