it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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