The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
