That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
