My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
