i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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