Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Enjoy the penises
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
