True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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