I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
