I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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