Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
