Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
