I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
