So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
