some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
