Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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