I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
