Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
