She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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