hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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