i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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